I’m a 25-year-old gay man, newly out, dating a 33-year-old guy. Before this relationship, I wasn’t very sexually experienced. I lost my virginity a month before meeting him, and he’s only the third person I’ve been with. We’ve been together for about three months, and our sexual experiences have been enjoyable but straightforward-just making out, oral, and anal sex.
Recently, my boyfriend suggested we visit a gay sauna together and engage in group sex. While the idea excites me, I’m unsure if I can handle it in practice. So, how do I know if I’m ready for group sex?
Assessing Readiness for Group Sex
It’s normal to feel uncertain about trying something new sexually. While a bit of fear can add excitement, it’s essential to plan for potential outcomes. Here are key considerations:
Are You Comfortable Saying No?
It’s crucial to feel confident in setting boundaries. If you’re likely to go along with something just to avoid rejecting others, group sex might not be right for you. Gay saunas often operate on opt-out consent, so you need to be ready to assert your boundaries.
Discuss Scenarios with Your Partner
For a first-time experience, consider asking your boyfriend to stay by your side. Tell him, “Since this is my first time, I’d like you to be with me while we engage with others.”
Understanding the Norms
In saunas, the norm is often not to use condoms, as many men are on PrEP or are undetectable. However, there’s still a risk of other STIs. Discuss your comfort level with your partner to ensure you’re on the same page.
Plan for Unexpected Outcomes
If the experience doesn’t go as planned, make sure your boyfriend is prepared to leave with you. Let him know you’d appreciate his support if you’re not enjoying yourself.
Empowerment and Personal Comfort
Since this is your first group sex experience, focus on your comfort and enjoyment. Your boyfriend should support you as you explore this new experience. As you become more familiar, you can shift the focus to mutual enjoyment in future encounters.